The Art of Seduction: Balancing Natural Charisma and Calculated Effort
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The degree to which people are comfortable with approaching strangers is certainly well varied. Some people are natural people persons and can effortless strike up a conversation with anyone anywhere, under any circumstances. For others, meeting new people, much less flirting with them, can be incredibly difficult and nerve wracking.
Either way, the art of seduction is a careful balance of natural charisma and calculated effort. You don't have to be an extrovert to have charisma, and if you are outgoing you can certainly try too hard to flirt with someone you find attractive.
Reading Signals
The art of seduction relies greatly on your ability to read the signals of the person you are trying to flirt with. If you're more on the shy side, look for clues that someone is opening the door for you to make contact. If you smile at them, do they smile back? Do you catch them staring at you when you're not looking at them? If you catch someone you're attracted to staring back at you you've got an open window for contact.
If you're more extroverted you'll need to heed closely to people's reactions to you. If you walk up to someone and initiate a conversation do they give you one word responses, or do they attempt to engage? Also pay attention to body language. Is this person turning towards you after you approach them, or do they remained situated in their original stance, maybe facing friends. The art of seduction will only be successful if you're approaching someone who wants to be approached.
Moving into Flirtation
Once you've established that someone is mutually attracted to you, or at least open to conversing with you, don't move too quickly into flirting. You need to give people a chance to warm up to you. Make them feel like you're interested in knowing something about them. No one wants to flirt with someone they think is disrespectful or has ulterior motives. Ask them where they work, where they grew up. But don't just hammer them with questions. The best way to get someone to talk to you is to volunteer information about yourself, while also giving them the opportunity to talk back to you.
Approach the art of seduction like you would want to be approached. Think about the last time someone gave you positive attention, and how this was achieved. Maybe you found a common interest, or they were just really interested in something you did or said. The art of seduction is in your ability to make someone comfortable with you. Trust is the key to successful flirting.
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